Who am I?

Aah...finally...a post about me...you would think being a individual would one-up over most identities...but Nope...being a Mom...just engulfs you...consumes you....eats you..Ok you get my point!
Yesterday....me and H were having a conversation....about somethings that were bothering me..and H said.."I dont want this to be your identity....I want bigger things for you...or rather...things that give you joy...dont pull you down!" and I realized...he was right....
Way before I had kids...I was a graduate student..working towards being an educator....I was accomplished...because I had worked hard to get where I was...and most importantly....I was passionate about teaching and good at what I did...

Now I am a MOM....and although you expect kudos...for all things you do everyday....most of the time...here is what describes me...
Unsure....not confident...always second guessing...everything I do....not because I feel I am not doing my best...but because..I always feel what if my best is not good enough...
I had kids and now suddenly...I cry at the drop of the hat...if someone criticizes my parenting...if someone advises me on what I may not be doing right...and I realize...I am surrounded....by all this mommyness....which has completely clouded me and my sense of individuality...

And now at this point of life I am thinking...of all the wants....
I want friends who will stand by me ...irrespective of political correctness...who will love me for who I am....despite who I am
I want a career....that I can get up in the morning...and look forward to....and most importantly...I want time...to be what I can be....despite my shortcomings...

I have two amazing kids...and the love of my life...H....so being a good mommy and wife is easy peasy....The rest I need to work on....the rest I need to figure...

I just want the answer to "Who am I" to be..."Me!"

So if you are reading this blogpost..here is what I want you to do...."Smile...and pick up a pen....and write about the time when you were 16 :)" and even if it makes you feel all gawky again...it will atleast be just about you !

You know you are a Mom when....

I know we have read a zillion of these lists....But I figured reading thru a few more would not hurt us...so here we go...
You know you are a MOM when..

1. You are in the shower...and all you can sing is .."barney is a dinosaur..from your imagination"
2. You cannot pee...unless someone is banging on the door..."Momma...I dont want you to go to the bathroom"
3. You longed to hear your baby say.."mama" and now you just run..when you hear..."MMMMAA..."
   
4. When your kids are dressed better than you ever were in your life..
5. You crib to your husband about "me" time...and then spend that time...talking about your kids with your friends.
6. Almost all of your clothes have some kinda body fluid on them...(pee,drool,puke...!)
7. You berated your parents for not giving you good reasons for why they wanted you to do something....but after all is said and done....you resort to.."because I said so!"
8. You end up watching PBS kids...even if your kids are not...
   
9. atleast zillion people have given you advice on how to raise your kids and you have not strangled some of them...just because you need to be there for your kids and cannot afford to go to jail.
10. everytime your kid makes you really mad....you remember you mom saying.."Wait..till you have kids of your own!...

We all hear each other say...Being a mommy is a tough job....and well the truth is we all say it to each other....but it never does sink it...until that one time you are in the bathroom yelling for silence so you can pee .....and your toddler asks.."Why?"
Thats it for today folks ! Keep smiling..chin up and eyes on the kids...You never know what they are upto!